Other People's Love Stories

Matters of the Heart - Triangular Love

Another love story I picked up from a conversation with another friend, and I thank them all for their honesty. In telling their story, I hope to come to some understanding of why we sometimes love the way we do.

Beginning with L

I was twenty something at the time lah you know and his parents were friends of my parents, and that's how we met at a gathering.

He was the whole package, man! - Good looking, rich, drove a flash car, smooth with his words - everything a girl could want lah you know.

He was studying overseas at that time, so when he left, we wrote to each other by e-mail lah. Almost everyday. He would occasionally call me on weekends as well, and we would talk for hours on end.

He visited me every time he returned and we would go on these dates out together. It was during one of these dates that I found out he already had a girlfriend.

Yeah, stupid, right?

How she came to know

I had brought out a friend of mine to meet him, and although we had a good time that night, she told me later lah that she had some reservations about him.

Now that I think about it, there was something peculiar about how the night had ended. He had asked her for her phone number as he dropped her off. Of course I thought nothing about it at that time lah.

He rang my friend later and dropped the bomb to her that he was in a relationship.

A steady girlfriend for three years, you know! Three years! He wanted to tell me but didn't know how, and so wanted her to tell me instead! What's wrong with you men ah?!

I was naturally fuming when I found out, and asked him lah why he never told me about it before!

His reasoning was that the whole time we were corresponding, I never once asked him whether he had a girlfriend. I thought that you would volunteer that kind of information, wouldn't you?

He said that he could never leave his girlfriend, as they had been through a lot of thick and thin together. He told me that if I only knew half of the things he had done, I would walk out on him. His girlfriend, however, wouldn't.

Give me 20 Good Reasons

Why did I stay in the relationship?

Don't know. I guess I was young and he was charming, and I still felt lah like this could somehow work out, him and I.

I did try many times to end it, but he would say things like "Can we at least remain friends, because what we share is special and I don't want to lose it."

We would stay friends, and write to each other again, and then it would escalate into a relationship, descend into arguments, leading into a breakup and the whole cycle would repeat itself again.

The Fourth Party

One day, another friend had something to tell me.

This friend's older brother was arguing with his girlfriend, a Eurasian chick whom he met at a club some time ago. This girl returned to the club to let off some steam, where she met this current guy that I was dating, and he chatted her up. They hit it off and started writing to each other.

He was sending her mushy smses and writing her loving e-mails behind my back, you know, the bastard! Thankfully, the Eurasian girl finally called it off as she wanted to work things through with her boyfriend.

I was pissed off as hell when I found out, and I confronted him! How could he cheat on me, the third party, with another girl now! He didn't know what to say.

But I still couldn't let go of him, and somehow things blew over after that. We continued seeing each other, and he assured me that the thing with the Eurasian chick was over. I never dared to ask him if there were any others, and frankly, I didn't want to know.

The Beginning of the End

There were many times when I really wanted to end it. I did.

Somewhere in the midst of our torrid relationship, I talked about him to an older friend from church, and she followed me through the rollercoaster of my on-and-off relationship with him for years.

One day, having seen me through my latest bout of tears and arguments, she sat me down, and she told me that this had to end. For real lah this time.

She knew that it wasn't going to be easy and she wanted to talk me through it lah. I had to get it into my head that this relationship was not going to end well, so I went to her place one day, and she had prepared a list of fairly confronting questions for me to answer.

It hurt to be honest, but through the pain I could see that he was wrong for me. And that this could not go on any longer.

The Post-it-ives of Breaking Up

And so, we scheduled another day - Breakup Day.

She was there with me in my living room, and I rang him up. We put him on speakerphone and the Breakup Conversation began.

It was quite funny actually - my friend sat quietly in the background, and without him knowing, her 2B pencil was furiously scribbling replies from me on Post-It notes to his every statement. It was like reading a script, you know!

You're just going through another of your phases. No, this is not a phase.
Ah, we've done this so many times before. It's different this time. It's for real this time.
Can't we at least be friends? No, I'm ending this for good.
etc.

The conversation ended. Little Post-It notes fluttered all over my living room.

The affair, too, had ended.

Or so it seemed

Unfortunately, it started with a reply to his many pleading smses. And then an e-mail. And then a phone call. And then, we got back together again.

(I know lah! It should have ended it there and then! What to do, right?)

I was honest with my older friend, though, and told her we were together again. She told me off half-jokingly for wasting all her Post-It notes!

Resolutions of the Heart

A few months later, I just woke up one day and decided that this had to end. I don't know why, but I just knew it.

So I called him lah and we argued, and then he said angrily that I was bound to capitulate and call him back within a month, and that got me really upset.

We'll see, I said.

We have not been in contact since.

Love and War

Well, as you know lah, I've just got engaged with my current boyfriend. Going to get married soon.

I found out from a friend that he got married, man, before I did! That really pisses me off.

Huh? Why?

Because it feels like he's won. The evil have prospered. I was supposed to get married before him, not the other way round!

He finally married his girlfriend of eight and a half years. She actually knew about us all along, but stuck by his side anyway.

Yeah, so there you go. My love story.

I love how multi-faceted love is sometimes, and how varied the stories we have to tell. Thank you again to my friends who have allowed me to play the role of the witness, and never the jury.