The Beginning of Wisdom

I spent last night catching up with an old friend, and we sat over salmon and steak - I listened intently as she regaled her stories over the past six months of where she's been and what she's done. She's just returned from a missions trip to Africa, in Worcester (how English sounding is this colonial name in an African country!) and Lesotho.

I just sat transfixed as she told me her stories, and this was an honest evaluation of the whole thing - it wasn't all easy and smooth sailing at all. Anyone who is going on a missions trip and not expecting to be broken needs to wake up from their ideals.

And I watched the heartbreak as she told the problems she had with the leaders of the centre, supposed Christian leaders who showed none of the grace of God to them. The six months of emotional stress began pouring out, because my friend in all her nobility had shouldered the burdens silently.

'Has there been nothing good from these six months?' I ask.

'I have changed,' she said, simply.

I burst out laughing. No you haven't.

'And I don't care if nobody sees it.'

'I now understand how much God really loves me. I understand the meaning of grace now, of how little I deserve, and of how much he truly loves me.'

Amidst all this turmoil, I watch as a silent hope stirs in my friend, afflicted by the fallings of human nature, and - having nothing else to cling on to but her God - she clung on to Him for dear life.

In that moment, under the soft yellow glow of the restaurant and the lingering chatter of the other patrons that night, I smile from her across the table.

I can't see it, you're right, but you have changed.

I think one of the greatest joys in my life is seeing someone come to realise the full extent of God's love and grace for them. Many Christians are still trying to earn their salvation, or earn the love of their heavenly Father, unfortunately, in the same way sometimes that we try to earn our flawed earthly father's love or approval.

I haven't been to church enough. I haven't converted enough souls to God. I didn't take the opportunity to speak up for Christ when I had the chance. I can't speak to God because He has disappointed me. Or I have disappointed Him. If only. I am going to be standing before His throne and have nothing to show for this life.

On and on we self flagellate. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm condoning sin and impassivity. But I wish for all of us the freedom from guilt and anger towards ourselves and towards a God who loved us so much He came down in the form of us, to identify with us, and ultimately to die for us.

God loves you. Unconditionally. Let that truth set you free.