Anxiety was better than tears, she decided. One hand reaches to smooth the ruffles of the wedding dress.
Come on, God, she says under her breath. I don't know why You're putting me through this, but You'd better see me through this.
Please?
The lights come on.
***************************************************
They were together for three years before he finally popped the question. She remembers it well - they were at the park where they had first met. He had walked ahead of her, which she thought a little rude, but her head suddenly lifts up as she hears him turn abruptly. She is shocked to see him on his knees.
He is stuttering his proposal youknowwe'vebeengoingoutforalongtimenowandIthinkwhat ImeantosayisthatIwantyoutoWillYouMarryMe? She brings her hands to her face, and nods vigorously, surprised by her tears.
***************************************************
"I'm saying sorry in advance, 'cos this won't always go to plan..."
The music starts, and she is trying to keep time with her partner for their hip hop performance. Her body moves in memorised rhythm but her mind is a million miles away.
Her partner does not seem the least bit bothered. He is in his bridegroom vest, and dancing like he was the only one on stage.
They are dancing to Guy Sebastian's Art of Love (ft. Jordin Sparks), and it talks about the bliss and pain of relationships. The words of the song are knives which cut away at her heart, and her legs.
"... and we're all about giving up..."
**************************************************
It was two weeks before the wedding when she gets the phone call.
He is stone cold as he speaks over the phone. I'm sorry, I'm calling off the wedding. I can't go through with this.
She is stunned. Sure, there were arguments about the venue, and who they were going to invite, but they could talk it through, surely...
Something snaps.
Why? What do you mean? she protests. What do you mean you can't go through with this? We've had everything planned - the invitations have been sent out and the venue booked, for fuck's sake!
I'm sorry, he fumbles. I'ma... I... uh...
I'm sorry.
Sorry?!! Sorry??! Sorry is not what you say to someone to call off a marriage! Sorry is what you say when you accidentally bump into someone or when you're going to be late to something. YOU DON'T FUCKING SAY SORRY WHEN YOU'RE CALLING YOUR FIANCEE TO CALL OFF THE WEDDING!
She drives over to his place, her mind racing faster than the car, and she almost kills two cyclists who scream profanities into her unhearing ears.
She races up the stairs to his place, and it is only after a few minutes of angry knocks that he lets her in.
Her arms are folded, and she storms in. He is silent while she unloads on him. Her heart's content is emptied of its discontent.
Her tears are hot, and her mascara trickles down as she seeks to understand his change of heart. He is a wall, and she does not understand where she had misplaced the key to the heart of someone she thought she knew.
His silence frustrates her increasingly, and she throws himself at him, her arms flailing. She didn't know what she was hoping to achieve. Maybe she could beat a reason out of him.
He is caught off guard by her sudden charge at him, and he reacts by pushing out, and she lands hard on the floor.
***************************************************
He picks her off the floor.
"Sometimes I'm going to miss, I'm still learning how to give..."
Her body launches into the chorus with sharp, angled turns, and her choreographed body quivers a little in the wedding dress, but betrays nothing.
***************************************************
Why? She asked a friend. Why is God doing this to me?
Maybe, says her friend quietly, Maybe it's a chance for you to finally let go.
***************************************************
She stands before the thunderous applause of the crowd, and nods a tiny nod of acknowledgement. Her partner is lapping up the ovation of what he was convinced were new members of his self-established fan club, and gives a peace sign as they run off stage.
Her heart is beating in her ears. Her heart. Which scabbed over clumsily when he stabbed it in all the different places. She had pulled off a big scab today, and prayed that it would now begin to heal properly.
... I'm gonna get it sometime, 'cause I'm still trying to learn
Still learning (art of love)
Still learning (art of love)
Still learning (art of love)
The art of love.
2 comments:
auw.. Is that a true story? Cold turkeys are only good for one thing: to be shot and stuffed in an oven. Ass.
Auw, little sis... Hugs!
It's a partial Kisah Benar lah, this story... don't really know the details so had to fill in the blanks...
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