Happy Mother's Day!

I think that parenting is one of the hardest skills in the world. It's not like parents figured out how to be parents right from the word go - in a way, it's almost a process of trial and error. Yes, we can read guide books and yes, we can attend seminars or even watch Super Nanny to try and figure out how best to raise a child, but in the end, both the parent and child are unique individuals trying to live out life the best way they know how.

I think about my Mum, and how she is a great mother right now - a good friend who sees us for the adults that we are, and allows us to choose for ourselves our own paths in life, as long as we are happy. She does not make demands of us, or guilt us into anything, and we can speak like friends rather than parent-to-child now.

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In the midst of trying to love us by providing for us (and we were fairly well provided for), Mum had to take on the many roles of mother, career woman, teacher and wife. I cannot begin to imagine how she managed to balance the four roles.

I remember how when we were younger, she would call home from work to check that we were okay, and she also handwrote mathematics assignments fo us, which she later marked. I think that was quite instrumental in us doing well at school.

I'm not saying that she was perfect in all her roles. Yes, we argued a lot when we were younger, and we got Asian kid-appropriate doses of "Somebody's-Going-To-Get Hurt-Real-Bad" when we were out of line at home. Let's just say that when things weren't going well at work, things weren't going well at home as well.

Every Asian kid wants to believe that they had it tough. In some ways, so do I.

I want to regale stories about the various caning instruments that we had at home, the times when promises were broken, or the explosive arguments we had that used to carry across into the neighbour's houses.

But then I met a good friend not too long ago, and her mother used to literally almost drown her in the water cistern in the backyard used for collecting water, whenever she was naughty.

My friend would call out in between the times her head went underwater - "Mrs W___! Help! Helpblurbblurbblurbblurb!!... *GASP* MRS W___!MRS W___blurbblurbblurb!" and then her neighbour would come out, and try to gently talk her mother -

"Eh, Mrs C___ ah, enough already lah... She learnt her lesson already... Hah... Stop punishing your daughter already lah!" while Mrs C___ continued the dunking treatments.

My mouth went agape as my friend recounted stories of her Mum throwing things at her in her anger, including erm... kitchen knives - and here was I, thinking that I had had it rough!

My friend has turned out really well, though, and has a good relationship with her mother today. Looking at her today, you wouldn't have guessed that she spent her childhood dodging knives or fighting water cisterns.

So who knows what the secret is to parenting? Who knows why some children turn out well despite a difficult growing-up while some don't?

I look back at my life, and I thank God for the many good things that my Mum has taught me - to forgive quickly and to never bear grudges, to value family, to have sympathy for the disadvantaged, to look after our health, not to take life too seriously, and to laugh easily at things.

And then I think about all of Enid Blyton's books, whose children never got caned, whose mothers stayed at home and baked cookies for them and was only occasionally 'cross' with them.

I think Mrs. Blyton can take her plastic ideal mothers and choke on them, because, as far as I am concerned, I would rather have my Mum, in all her humanity, any time of the day.

Mother's Day is a wonderful celebration of mothers everywhere, in all their imperfections, because we recognise above all, that although not everything was perfect, they loved us in a way that only mothers can. Pure and simple.

I remember how Mum would say after scolding us, "You think that I would scold any random children on the street, ah, hah? I scold you because you are my children and I want you to grow up well, okay?"

I would like to believe that the three of us have grown up well.

Happy Mother's Day, Mum. We love you!