The Lessons of Lorong Haji Taib: Part 3

"We're going to the police."

"What?!" said Siew Tat. "We've just been to try and tiu kai (visit prostitutes), and you want us to tell the polis that ah? Won't we be arrested or something?"

"No, they won't lah!" I started the car, gripping the steering wheel.

I sounded way more confident than I felt.

At the Balai (Station)

"Lu orang buat apa?!" ("What did you guys do?!")

The police officer stared at us with incredulity in his eyes, and started shaking his head slowly.

It was a busy Friday night. Someone was sitting in the corner with blood on his head, and someone there wanting to report an accident, and there had been a couple of stabbings that night to boot.

They had just conducted a raid as well, and the station was teeming with about fifteen illegal prostitutes, some from China, some Cambodian and some ang moh looking chicks, don't know from where. They were all squatting with their hands over their heads. I could see Jeremy and Khong Nam checking them out while Vincent and Siew Tat were with me explaining our plight to the police officer.

We felt a little stupid with our problem but the more the story went on, the louder our voices became as more and more we felt wronged.

Another police officer came out.

Apa bising bising ini? (What's all this commotion here?) he demanded.

Oh, sarjan budak semua ni (Oh Sergeant, these kids)... and he explained our plight.

The sergeant turned to us, his face indecipherable.

Hish! Bodoh betullah kamu ni! Kalau mau main pergilah hotel, hah! Cari gadis gadis macam ini lah best! Kenapa pergi Lorong Haji Taib?  (Hish! You're a bunch of idiots, you know that? If you're looking for a little fun, go to a hotel, and look for hookers like these lah! Why the hell did you go to Lorong Haji Taib for?) his eyes widened, as he pointed to the prostitutes behind us.


We were initially shocked at his outburst and then looked a little sheepish, and his glare soon softened after his little diatribe.

Okey, apa kamu hilang? (Now, what did you lose?)

Half an Hour Later 

We are sitting at the sargeant's office. He had disappeared somewhere 'to make a few phone calls.'

All five of us turn as he walks into the room.

"Handfon yang kamu hilang tu, apa model dia? Warna apa?" (What was the colour and the make of your missing handphones?)

One black Samsung, flip phone. One Silver Nokia.

Like a magician he pulls both the phones out of his pockets. Our jaws dropped as we quickly reached for our phones, thankful beyond words.

Duit kamu hilang berapa? And how much money?

Dua ratus tuan. Two hundred ringgit, sir.

Nah, kita hanya recover seratus. Like a dubious trickster he only hands us a hundred ringgit, but we were just happy to be seeing any of it back, to be honest.

We left his room, our heads bobbing in profuse thanks, as he left us with these parting words.

Ingat, okey, lain kali, pergi hotel cari pelacur. Remember to only use the hotels for prostitutes next time, you hear me?

We smiled weakly as Vincent lead the team to get the hell out of there. We walked past the cowering prostitutes again.

"Jeremy, you hamsup (dirty) bastard! Stop looking at them already lah! You've already got us into trouble once tonight!"

"Okay, who wants to go to mamak?"

"Where ah?"

"How about Lorong Haji Taib?!"

"Shut up lah, you idiot!" we laughed.

The Lessons Of Lorong Haji Taib: Part 2

Pap! Pap! Pap! 

The aunties obviously had no idea what a massage was. What we got instead was a modified slapping of our backs. 

There was a few times she came dangerously close to my ass, but I manged to bump her hands away just in time.

After ten minutes, I just wanted to get the hell out of there - 'Eh, cukuplah, cukuplah. Kita mau pergi dah.' (Enough, enough, we want to go already.)


Tak bulih. Tak bulih. Bayar tiga puluh minit musti mau habis semua. (Cannot, cannot. You paid for thirty minutes).

It's hard negotiating when you're lying in bed, almost naked, with your backs to two Indian aunties.

We heard a sound in the room behind us, but couldn't turn to see. A few minutes later, we could hear a motorcycle being started in the distance... Pap! Pap! Pap! The Indian aunties kept up with their backslapping.

This massage was far from relaxing. It felt more like being caned. For being hamsup.

Now Where Did I Put It?

Thirty agonising minutes which felt like forever later, I pulled my face from the stained mattress, and Jeremy and I hurried to the cupboard. As I put on my pants, there was a silence where the jingle of car keys should have been. Jeremy also noticed that his handphone was no longer in his jeans' pockets.

'Eh, where the hell's my car key?' I asked Jeremy.

'I don't know. Where's my handphone?' He rummaged a little more in the empty cupboard which had nothing more than a few pieces of torn newspapers inside.

'Eh, maybe we left it with the three downstairs before we came up, issit?'

'I don't know lah... We go and ask them lah.'

We left without thanking our service provider aunties, and went down to our waiting friends.

'So how was the ma-?'

'Eh, did I give my car keys to you guys ah?'

'No!'

'No!'

'No what - you didn't give us anything - you went straight up, remember?!'

'Eh, shit lah. I'm damn angry already. These fuckers have gone too far.'

I turned around, with a newfound anger. They have screwed us enough tonight. They're not getting the car.

'OI! Come out here uncle!'

The Indian uncle suddenly melted out of the darkness into the scant light.

'What?' he growled.

I was too pissed off to be scared. 'Give me back my car key! You guys have taken our money tonight - enough already lah! Give me back my fucking car key! I call the police then you know!'

'What? You think you shout I scared ah? You want - you go and call the polis lah! But before you start accusing accusing all... make sure you check the cupboard properly first!'

'I didn't leave it in the cupboard! I checked already before coming down!'

'Are you sure? You go and double check again first!'

I stormed up the stairs, into the room. The two aunties had magically disappeared, and I slammed open the cupboard door, fuming to see -

- my car key.

I took the key and went down.

'Where's my friend's handphone?' I yelled.

'Eh, how the hell am I supposed to know? How I know your friend even bring his handphone inside?!'

Jeremy was looking at me, his eyes pleading for me to forget about it and to just get the hell out of here. 'Eh, don't worry. It's a handphone only lah...'

The gate was unlocked, and the five of us made our way out past the three Indian men. The night was cool with a light breeze; still and uninterested as if nothing terrifying had happened to us at all for the past hour. It took us another ten minutes to walk back to my Dad's

Car

I walked around the car and inspected it from the outside, making sure that everything was okay. Scratch marks - none. Wheels - all there. Hubcaps - also all there.

I breathed a sigh of relief. I pressed the central locking button and the knobs came up, and the lights flashed.

We all got into the car and opened up the glove compartment.

Phewf! All our wallets were still there.

We each took our own wallets, and then noticed that the other handphone was missing. Shit! We opened our wallets - all our cash had been taken. Fuck!

We sat in the car, angry and yet too scared to confront the three men dividing up our money and handphones somewhere in the shophouse at the end of the alleyway somewhere in Lorong Haji Taib.

"ARRRGH!" I banged my steering wheel, impotent. When I looked up, I saw my friends in the streetlights streaming through the car windows. There was an air of defeat, regret and anger mixed in all their faces.

"So, how now?"

The Lessons of Lorong Haji Taib: Part 1

You want a story? I've got a story for you.

There were five of us - Vincent, Jeremy, Siew Tat, Khong Nam and myself.

We were eighteen then, bored and restless one night. Let's go clubbing, said Siew Tat.By the time we got to the clubs, it was already about three a.m., and they were closing for the night. Sien ah.

We were sitting in my car, wondering what to do next when Jeremy pipped up- 'Hey, what about we go and see Lorong Haji Taib?'

Five teenage boys. Whose ears perked up at the mention of Lorong Haji Taib - a place only whispered or laughed about in school in hamsup (lewd) conversations about sensual massages, transvestites and streetwalkers.

We swallowed hard. Our goosebumps raised at the thought of doing something so dangerous, our hearts raced and our penises throbbed at the thought of the forbidden fruit.

I looked around at the other four boys. Loud braggers who had always described how we would 'do' it with this or that girl, one day - the usual big talk for five virgin boys. Always.

After a few wrong turns, I finally got us there in my Dad's car. We did the smart thing and parked our car far, far away from the actual street itself. Being the cautious Malaysians about to wander into a potentially dangerous situation, we took out all our wallets and the ones who had handphones bundled them all into the glove compartment, although Jeremy brought his, just in case.

Fifty ringgits in each of our pockets, with two hundred sitting safely in the car. Steering wheel lock - on. Car alarm - on.

Set.

We looked at each other, guilt flashing in our eyes briefly before we broke out into smiles and headed off into the night in search of adventure.

Lorong Haji Taib 

was everything we imagined. The shops below had their metal shutters drawn for the night, but the stairs leading up to the second and third floors of the old shophouses were lit with cheap fluorescent lights, drawing customers like moths to the many prostitutes/transvestites standing at the entrances below.

We motioned each other to the single cars parked with their brake lights on in the distance, their windows open, the driver haggling a price with the hooker leaning against his window.

We sniggered. We swallowed harder.

'Oi, brudder!' we suddenly heard a call to our right. "You want massage ah?"

We stopped and turned to look at the Indian man calling out to us.

"You want massage?" he repeated.

We hesitated. "Er no lah, uncle, thanks very much." I brought up my hand and weakly smiled my declination.

"We got all kinds of girls... You don't have to try. Just see first lah... Can choose anyone."

I didn't like the look of the seedy Indian man, and quickly glanced at Siew Tat, Vincent and Khong Nam, motioning to them to keep walking. When I turned around, I saw Jeremy's back, following that man into an alley.

Ah, crap.

"Eh, shit lah... Jeremy!"

Jeremy briefly turned, his big head of hair covering his chubby, enthiusiastic "Come on, guys, this is our chance!" face. I ran after him, and the rest of them ambled along unsurely towards the alleyway.

It was a really narrow and dimly lit alley between the shops, and we walked past these two Indian aunties who looked briefly up from their newspapers at us. I could have sworn I saw them shaking their heads. 

I caught up to Jeremy, and both him and I followed the man into this dingy shophouse. There was a solitary lightbulb hanging from the ceiling, and nothing else. No furniture. Nothing else. Not a single damned thing. This was bad news.

We suddenly heard the steel shuttered gate slam behind us. And then the uncle locked it. This was really bad news.

Two other Indian men suddenly appeared, and all our initial excitement was now replaced with a more recognisable emotion - fear. Their eyes were redshot from the mix of toddy and whatever drugs they had been taking, and my knees suddenly went weak with the very real thought that we could get hurt tonight, or worse.

"So kamu mahu massage ah? (So you want massage ah?)" one of them smiled leeringly at us, his features accentuated in the scant light offered by the bulb.

"Er... No lah, brudder. I, erm... we're actually quite tired already... I think we're going to go lah.... No need massage already."

"Masuk sini, mesti mahu massage. (Come in here, must massage)" He had lost his smile, and I was about to lose my continence.

"N--n--no lah, brudder," I stammered. "I'm really quite tired. Anyway, my three friends are waiting outside..."

The Indian uncle who had lured us in motioned to the other drug-addled sidekick, and within a minute, we were joined by Khong Nam, Vincent and Siew Tat. The steel gate slammed shut sickeningly again, and I looked at the three of them apologetically.

All three picked up the fear in both our eyes, and it was contagious - their nostrils started flaring and they started breathing shallower as well.Our fight-or-flight response kicked in, and we were ready to take our chances with these three Indian men. Number-wise we were on top, but if you compared our sizes, despite being five on three, I would say, we were pretty even.

"So, who wants the massage?" the uncle growled, interrupting the virtual fight that we were taking on in our heads. 

Our pupils dilated, our heads almost shook in unison.

"Eh, uncle never mind lah. We give you money. Forget about the massage."

"Eh. Fuck you! You come in already. You must have massage. I don't care."

I looked at my friends, and felt responsible for getting them into this situation. My mind worked overtime. Maybe it wasn't time for mortal combat. Maybe it was time for diplomacy.

"Eh uncle, okaylah, okaylah. Just me and my friend here. We'll go for the massage."

I pulled Jeremy with me and we turned around to look at the rest briefly before the uncle led us to

The Second Floor

Imagine two beds side by side. Imagine two beds that've been used by many men over the years, that's never been cleaned the whole time. See the rust collecting on the steel frame, see the stains showing up by the fluorescent light above, smell the years of bodily fluids crusting on the mattress.

"Okay. Take off all your clothes. Your girls will come soon."

 "Pay first ah. Fifty ringgit."

What?!

"Each."
 
Shit lah. I knew we were being taken for a ride, but the menacing uncle had convinced me one hundred ringgit was a small price to pay compared to, oh, say, a slow painful death, our bodies never to be found  again. 

Let's get this over with, I thought. Jeremy and I quickly undressed, and we folded our clothes into the only other piece of furniture in the room - a bare cupboard at the back of the room a distance away from the bed.

We barely had time to pop ourselves down onto the rickety bed before our 'girls' arrived. You guessed it - the two Indian aunties who we had passed on the way in. I am being kind here when I say that one of them looked like she had been run over by a truck and never really recovered from it, while the other one looked like her uglier older sister.

"Okay, baring depan (Okay, lie face down)." We fearfully did as we were told as I had the strong sense of the uncle lingering outside the room.

Jeremy and I lied next to each other on the bed, almost naked. The night was turning out swell. I looked at him, and whispered,

"Hey, Jeremy? If we survive this, I'm going to kill you."